At the moment I am mostly wandering around asking myself what I am doing.
In my last blog post I bemoaned the confusing situation whereby I am guilty that I cannot be both 'maternity leave Mummy going to baby groups, providing thoughtful development activities and cooking wholesome organic purees' and 'final year ordinand working hard on MTh and preparing earnestly for ordination' at the same time.
But enough of that already. This week I am looking to the future and wondering exactly what it is I am letting myself in for. What is full-time ordained ministry? What will I be doing? What exactly has skilled me for this job? What will life look like?
I can list what I know ordained ministry is not. A 9-to-5 job. Some may say it is not even a 'job'. It is not salaried in the strictest sense - a stipend is, by definition, an amount of money you are given to free you from financial worries and allow you to do church work full-time. Ordained ministry is not exclusive from personal life - whether you like it or not, there is overlap - you are in a sense 'on duty' as you go about your daily business.
A Priest is required to teach, but I am not a teacher. To listen, but I am not a counsellor. To tend to the sick, but I am not a nurse or a doctor. To co-ordinate, but I am not a manager. To have an awareness of finances, but I am not an accountant. As I contemplate every aspect of church work, I feel completely de-skilled. I'm glad I get 4 years of Curacy to continue my learning, but even then I won't be a teacher or a doctor or an accountant.
Perhaps the Priest's special 'skill' is that they have no implicit skills at all. Faith in God and time to spend doing His work. Prayer is so important, and I'm all to aware that prayer ends up being the thing to slip down the clergy 'to do' list, but without it the Priest has no foundation. The Priest brings what he/she is. Mother. Occasional Blog writer. Average maker of purees.
Anyway, the big update this week is that the Curacy seems to be making steady progress. Yes, I know, I have been saying this since June, but there is actual progress now. Things have been signed. Letters have been sent. I think there are a few more things to sign and letters to send and a Bishop to meet and an announcement to be made at the Churches and then it's official.
We had a good weekend visiting Mum and Dad this weekend just gone, and managed to take the time to look around a nursery for Arthur. We have come to the conclusion that Paul, Arthur and I spending our days under the same roof is not constructive to getting anything done. I just can't leave Arthur alone, as much as Paul assures me he's very happy to look after him for as long as I need every day to get on with some work. Work and homelife feel very mish-mashed together, with Arthur's constant care always winning, and while he is top priority I will be no good to a Parish if I let this situation go on next year. The plan is he will be in nursery part-time with Paul working part-time and caring for him part-time. My training incumbant seems very understanding of our situation, and the priority that family takes. My plan is that, unless there is something specific I have to go to, the time between Arthur getting home from nursery and going to bed (4.30pm to 7pm) will be mostly spent with him. And I'll be very strict about my day off every week. Feels good.
We also might have a house! The Diocese were talking about buying or renting one in the Parish, but they have now identified a vacant property they already own about a 15 minute walk from the outskirts of the Parish. We went and wandered around the outside and it looks pretty good. If we're able to have this one, it at least takes the stress of not knowing where we will live off our minds.
Coming up next week we have Arthur's assessment with Orthopaedics. A lot of people have asked us about his prospects in terms of mobility and it's a question we've never been able to answer properly other than to say that, to us, his legs seem strong and he can certainly move them very well! But we're no experts. So I guess we'll go in with open minds and hope. While we've always hoped they'll say he's just fine, we know that leg braces might have to be an option. There's worse things in the world than leg-braces.
And for the moment all Arthur cares about it that he's in his baby walker and there's a lovely bowl of pureed butternut squash for tea.
Wednesday 20 February 2013
Thursday 7 February 2013
In-vestments
I have a small problem this term, it is this. I have quite a lot of lectures and college commitments. I also have a small baby who sleeps from 7pm to 7am, for which I am eternally grateful. I am also eternally grateful for hardworking husband who looks after small baby while I am in lectures and daily offices, as well as doing all the washing, cleaning, shopping, washing up and most of the cooking. So far, so good. Even so, I cannot seem to find time to settle down to work (by which I mean a sustained period of quiet work on essay, dissertation or sermons) until after dinner at around 8pm, by which time I am far too tired to work. To do any significant work in the day would be to sacrifice valuable never-to-be-gotten-back time with small baby, and my maternal instincts just won't let me do that. If he's in the flat and I'm in the flat, I want to be hanging out with him!
Hmm... The dissertation will suffer, but does that really matter? I want to be a Priest, not an academic. But I do also quite like getting a job done well. Nursery is surely the answer next year, when I have to do actual proper work, but until then...
Anyway, I digress, I was going to write about clerical wear.
So, we've got the so-called 'tack fayre' in a couple of weeks, and my mind returns to what, exactly, I think of the clerical uniform I am required by Canon Law to attire myself with from June.
I am approaching it with some trepidation. The first question is, when will I wear it? There are some clerics who wear their collar all the time, no matter what they are doing, some who will only wear it when they are doing 'official' church work, and some in particular traditions of the church who barely wear it at all. For me, it's a given that I'll wear it whenever I'm doing my actual, diarised church stuff. But what of the school run or the trip to Tesco? What about when I go and see friends? I've had a good old think and my broad opinion is that if I'm doing stuff around the parish, any stuff, I should aim to 'be seen' which means wearing the collar. I'm sure a trip to Tesco will be an interesting experience, but it's too good an opportunity to miss. A female 20-something vicar battling with a toddler in a buggy in a public place is probably an image that will stick in people's minds, and hopefully in a sort-of good way. I won't, however, be wearing it on meals out with University friends or in the bath, you'll all be pleased to know.
The second question is - what? Google clerical wear for women and the choice is bleak. There are plenty of clerical shirts avaliable, and with some careful hunting I'm sure I'll find one which is nicely cut (i.e. not for a man!) but a friend and I spent a full hour last week trying to find something like a tunic with a clerical collar, which might be worn over leggings for a casual look, and only found a designer in Sweden at a cost of £100 per item.
It may sound vain to be concerned about 'casual looks' and 'shirts being cut well' - but ultimately it's a concern to preserve my own identity as well as entering into the sacrament of ordination and the changes it will bring to my life and the life of my family with the utmost seriousness.
Then there's stoles to buy, and other assorted garb. Fortunately I get a grant from the Diocese to cover most of this. Also, I'm so green to Anglicanism, having been not-an-Anglican for 83% of my life, that my lack of opinions might prove a bonus. I've no idea which traditions certain colours of shirt or styles of collar or stole are associated with, so I'll probably just choose what I like the look of!
That's probably all I've got to say on the matter. Oh now here's some good news - I got my official offer of a Title Post a couple of days ago, and have already written back to accept. So, all being good and well I'll be able to make it so-called 'Facebook official' in not too long. I am so, so excited about my Curacy. But I'm also excited about my final 4 months or so at college. 4 months to prepare for ordination!
Eeek!
Hmm... The dissertation will suffer, but does that really matter? I want to be a Priest, not an academic. But I do also quite like getting a job done well. Nursery is surely the answer next year, when I have to do actual proper work, but until then...
Anyway, I digress, I was going to write about clerical wear.
So, we've got the so-called 'tack fayre' in a couple of weeks, and my mind returns to what, exactly, I think of the clerical uniform I am required by Canon Law to attire myself with from June.
I am approaching it with some trepidation. The first question is, when will I wear it? There are some clerics who wear their collar all the time, no matter what they are doing, some who will only wear it when they are doing 'official' church work, and some in particular traditions of the church who barely wear it at all. For me, it's a given that I'll wear it whenever I'm doing my actual, diarised church stuff. But what of the school run or the trip to Tesco? What about when I go and see friends? I've had a good old think and my broad opinion is that if I'm doing stuff around the parish, any stuff, I should aim to 'be seen' which means wearing the collar. I'm sure a trip to Tesco will be an interesting experience, but it's too good an opportunity to miss. A female 20-something vicar battling with a toddler in a buggy in a public place is probably an image that will stick in people's minds, and hopefully in a sort-of good way. I won't, however, be wearing it on meals out with University friends or in the bath, you'll all be pleased to know.
The second question is - what? Google clerical wear for women and the choice is bleak. There are plenty of clerical shirts avaliable, and with some careful hunting I'm sure I'll find one which is nicely cut (i.e. not for a man!) but a friend and I spent a full hour last week trying to find something like a tunic with a clerical collar, which might be worn over leggings for a casual look, and only found a designer in Sweden at a cost of £100 per item.
It may sound vain to be concerned about 'casual looks' and 'shirts being cut well' - but ultimately it's a concern to preserve my own identity as well as entering into the sacrament of ordination and the changes it will bring to my life and the life of my family with the utmost seriousness.
Then there's stoles to buy, and other assorted garb. Fortunately I get a grant from the Diocese to cover most of this. Also, I'm so green to Anglicanism, having been not-an-Anglican for 83% of my life, that my lack of opinions might prove a bonus. I've no idea which traditions certain colours of shirt or styles of collar or stole are associated with, so I'll probably just choose what I like the look of!
That's probably all I've got to say on the matter. Oh now here's some good news - I got my official offer of a Title Post a couple of days ago, and have already written back to accept. So, all being good and well I'll be able to make it so-called 'Facebook official' in not too long. I am so, so excited about my Curacy. But I'm also excited about my final 4 months or so at college. 4 months to prepare for ordination!
Eeek!
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