My guess is that most of you who will be reading this will have followed the link from Facebook and therefore you will have seen that yes, thank God, the panel have recommended me!
It's been a very difficult few days. Becky, my DDO, told me to expect the decision by post on (possibly) Saturday, (probably) Monday or (if not) Tuesday. While I tried to aim for Tuesday, I was quite naturally hoping it would come on Saturday, and it didn't. On Monday I dropped Paul off at work and then nipped home to catch the post to find only a Tesco clubcard statement (£7.50 in vouchers, brill) and a double glazing flier.
When it comes to people I know I am a patient person. When it comes to waiting for post I know that I am not. I remember being beside myself when I was waiting for my degree results and the only possible result I could get was a 1st or a 2:1... and there is absolutely nothing you can do with a 1st in Theology you can't do with a 2:1! The result of a Bishops Advisory Panel is quite a lot bigger than that. It is a recommendation for a lifelong vocation, a vocation you don't really retire from, so this decision could in fact affect what I am doing when I am in my 90s!
... No wonder neither Paul nor I have been able to sleep properly for days!
I was planning to pop back home after dropping Paul off this morning, as the post normally arrives around 9am. But at 8.20am as I put the last of the breakfast stuff in the dishwasher, Paul yelled "she's in our road!" A running commentary followed - "she's coming down our path..." And then the letters came through the door. Paul entered the kitchen with a thick, brown, A5 envelope. (As with all important letters, the thicker and browner the better!) I couldn't open it (I mean emotionally couldn't open it, not physically!) so Paul did it and read it out. He got about as far as "I am delighted..."
I have had such an emotional day. The phone calls, emails, text and Facebook messages have been so lovely. I feel fortunate to have such wonderful and supportive friends, family and colleagues and I know this will be important for what lies ahead.
So - the next few days. I am posting a letter off to Cuddesdon tonight to accept their offer of a place. And there's a medical and finance form to fill in for the Ministry division. I am meeting with Becky on Thursday morning to read the assessors' report on me (should be interesting!) and talk through next steps. Then it's the house sale to focus on.
It's an odd feeling. When I have had good news in the past - job interview success or good exam results - I have felt somehow triumphant, air-punching, proud of myself. There is something about how I feel tonight that runs much deeper than that. While I am extremely happy and excited, somehow 'relief' is the most accurate word I can find. All this time I have had this overwhelming feeling that God is calling me to ordained ministry, and to be allowed to pursue that is such a privilege.
The next few days and weeks will be very interesting indeed. I'll keep you posted!
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