This week at my placement church I led the 8am and it was... OK. I did not fall over or drop anything. I did not pronounce any words wrong. I did not break down in tears. Essentially, I did not embarrass myself and this is a good thing!
My colleague on placement described it as a "Fresh Expression of the 8am Eucharist" on account that I did everything except the consecration prayer and the blessing. This, to me and to him, felt a little bit odd as normally the Priest would take over at "the Lord is here..." rather than at the consecration prayer, but that's what they asked of me so that's what I did. Feedback-wise, I was told to speak up and 'lead' more - "God has called you to lead, so don't be afraid to lead" said my placement supervisor and I think this is sound advice - confidence will always be my biggest challenge.
One of the things I found most difficult was having to wear a cassock and surplice during the 'chat and eat a croissant' section of the morning. And not just because of the obvious practical difficulties of eating a croissant while wearing those big flappy sleeves. Up-front I find liturgical garb essentially helpful - it aids me to put on my 'I'm leading this service' hat. But after the service I just want to be 'me' and would much rather be wearing my normal clothes. The only trouble is, as clergy, you can't nip into the vestry for 5 minutes to defrock at the end of a service. Do this and you've missed the opportunity to say a few words to the couple who have come for the first time, sat on the back pew, and will inevitably make a dash for the door before the last note of the final hymn has died away. So there's no question; I have to get more comfortable with the wearing of liturgical clothes. I expect I'll have the same quandary with the clerical collar, but fortunately I've still got 18 months or so before I cross that sticky bridge.
This experience will, I hope, prepare me for my 'Easter' placement which is now less than two weeks away. Having never preached before, it appears from the timetable I am to be preaching/offering some words of meditation, four times during my placement, including three times in Holy Week. I'm ever so excited about this, and grateful they've given me the opportunity. It's going to be a huge learning experience.
My skills in being 'up front' haven't just been tested in the last couple of weeks by the 8am. I've done a presentation to the MTh. It was about my 'resurrection body' question. I compiled a snazzy PowerPoint with images of St Paul flying in with a speech bubble. The feedback was generally good, and I've got quite a few things to think on. Despite what I inferred in the last post, I think this essay is far from finished. Fortunately, the confusing situation surrounding the approval of my second essay on baptism (can't remember whether I mentioned this before but it's far too boring and complicated to explain) has now been resolved, and I'm going to have to submit it in September, not April as I had planned. This is probably a blessing in disguise and I now feel a lot more calm about the amount of work I've got to do over the next few months.
The final, happy news of the week is that my good chum Kate has finally 'gone public' about being pregnant. She's almost exactly 5 weeks behind me. I've known about this since the day she found out (as she had me) and she's been a brilliant support to me. Nice to know I'm not the only pregnant ordinand at RCC!
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