Two Years of Blogging

It's two years since I started this Blog. Well, two years and four days, but I was probably a bit busy on Tuesday so let's for the sake of things say it's two years since I started this Blog.

I've checked, and apparently I started it because, and I quote, "I find there's something satisfying about writing down thoughts and feelings during transitional stages of life and this is one of them."

Who was I writing down thoughts and feelings for? Myself mainly, I think. So why put them online when paper and pen would do just as well? I'm not sure, it just seems like the thing to do, and it's been lovely when people have told me they read this Blog, especially people going through the discernment process and those who have shown an interest in Arthur and his story.

The post about the BAP has now had almost 1,000 views. If I'd known that I'd probably have done a spell check.

It's certainly been a "transitional stage." Paul and I have done lots of things for the first time: sold a house, lived out of the Westcountry, had a baby. My personal firsts: I've been to a BAP, bought a cassock, attended a youth group!

It's certainly been a transitional time.

In the last few weeks I've had quite a sense of ending. College ending, of course. There are now less than 9 weeks to go until college is over, and little more than 12 until I'm ordained.

But things are changing with Arthur too. At 8 months old he's developing his own personality. He responds to things more readily. He shows likes and dislikes. Now, more than ever, he's showing that spina bifida doesn't define him. Spina bifida really dominated the pregnancy and Arthur's first few weeks of life, but over the last couple of months I've felt less need to go on about it. When we meet new people, I tend to try not to tell them about his disability unless it's really relevant. Partly, it's about moving on myself. And it's partly becoming aware that I don't want him growing up believing that disability defines him. It's important he acknowledges it, and that it's a right pain, but the fact is it's there, and he needs to have dreams and ambitions that go beyond it. The last thing I'd want is for him to think about himself, as a child, "I'm Arthur, and I've got spina bifida."

And, of course, my life will be changing as I move into Curacy. For starters, I'll need to be less public about the things that are on my mind, which make Blogging after June less doable. The last thing I'd want would be to write in a way which wasn't able to be entirely honest about how I'm feeling.

So I'll probably draw the Blog to a close at ordination. It's better to do that then just let it fizzle out, that's my thinking. The fact that my posts have got less and less frequent suggest that I need it less these days. And, let's face it, from June I'll have less time for meandering reflections on my own life. Time to look upwards, and outwards, and onwards.