The Pessimist's Piece

Hello friends. It was pointed out to me during the last week that the essential message of my previous Blog post was "look how brilliant Theological college is! I have no work and can spend all day playing croquet!"

Now, college is brilliant. Very brilliant. But perhaps I have slightly misrepresented my croquet vs work time ratio to you all. So, bearing in mind that I am enjoying college very much and am, in fact, the happiest I have been in very many years, here is my list of the top ten most difficult things about training for ordination. In no particular order.

1) Having no time.
It's Sunday, the day of rest. Strictly speaking I shouldn't be working today. But so far I have got up, gone to breakfast at college, whizzed into town on the P&R to pick up some materials for Group Worship on Wednesday, come home for a very quick lunch, read for 3 hours and sat down to write this Blog Post. I'll eat dinner about 4.30pm then head to St Andrew's for the evening service. The upside is that I like being busy and it's great preparation for the busy life of the Parish Priest.

2) Having no idea what's going on in the world.
Related to the previous point, the amount of time I can spend doing things that I used to do like watching TV and browsing the Internet for hours is limited. I've watched half-an-hour of TV in the last week and that was Rev! I sometimes glance at the papers in the Common Room in the morning, but I've no idea what's going on in the X Factor, Strictly or I'm a Celebrity. Which is arguably a good thing.

3) Not Seeing Enough of Mr A
"Hello, how's your day been? Good? Great. I'm off out again to Evening Prayer, then my Group's on Serving Duty so can you make your own dinner? Then I need to do 20 pages of reading for a seminar tomorrow. Then we can watch a DVD, if you like." 'Nuff said, though it's not for me to moan. I can't imagine what it must be like for those with kids.

4) Having Limited Contact with Friends.
Being able to get Facebook on my phone is a Godsend and I hope that I can make the most of the little time I'm back in Devon and Somerset in the Christmas Holidays.

5) Constantly Questioning How I'm Fitting In
Actually, I'm fitting in fine. We're all fitting in fine. Because there's no norm of what it is to fit in. But it's only been in the last week or so that I've truly managed to tame that little voice which goes "Do people like me?" "Am I spending enough time in the Common Room?" "Has everyone else formed a million long-lasting friendships already?" It's like starting University but worse, because Vicars are meant to be able to naturally slip in and out of any social situation, aren't they?

6) Getting Up At 6.30am
Every time the alarm goes I have to fight an intense urge to lob it out the window.

7) Placements Are Set To Try You
My placements are great. The people at my placements are great. It was my decision to go for placements out of my comfort zone and I'm learning a great deal from them. But if you're not a naturally talented youth worker - which I'm not - walking into a hall full of boisterous children is going to take some getting used to, with lots of time and energy given to knowing how to approach it.

8) Am I Clever Enough?
We're in Oxford. My colleagues on the MTh are supremely intelligent. Many have come straight from University. I can't pronounce half of the words they use, let alone know how to spell them or what they mean.

9) Can't I Just Be a Vicar Now?
Well, no, I can't. But there's always that thought whenever I'm learning about something exciting. I want to just get up and do it!

10) It's Only for a Time
A sobering thought when one is playing croquet, eating breakfast bacon that someone has lovingly cooked for me, placing filthy washing up on an enchanted trolley which disappears through a magical door, sitting an Oxford MTh paid for entirely by someone else, reading a great book because that's what I'm here to do, conversing with fantastic and wonderful people - I'm not here forever. In 2 years time I'll be somewhere else entirely. It's easy to forget that college is a transitional place.

Well, that's my piece for the day. You'll understand, I can't hang on long. Over and Out.